I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
