Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
