Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
