i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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