I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
