wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i love accidental penises.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
