the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
