that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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