that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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