Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
