I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
