I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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