And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
