I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
