Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
