...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
