I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
