so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize