How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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