My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
