my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
