I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
