The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
