This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize