What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
