i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
