We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
