my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
