Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
