So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
