I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
