I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
