my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
