4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
