Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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