In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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