Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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