You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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