I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
