Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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