Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
