I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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