Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
