it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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