we made out on top of his cat.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize