this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
they're like a gay fantastic four
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
