i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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