currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's blow job season.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My feet surprised me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
