so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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