yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
