we're blogging at a bar
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
