Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
