She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
