the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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