Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I CAN MOONWALK!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We left the knife in your bed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
