Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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