I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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