This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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