Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
