Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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