I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
