She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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