He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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