I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
