Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
